Yet another blind date, Robert?
by Reyavie
Summary: Friends should keep to the side and not attempt to get Commander Shepard into dates. Things end up badly. Silly piece written as a gift.


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_Author's note: This is a gift for** Ygrain33**, born out of some comments we exchanged ages ago and my personal appreciation for her Commander Connor Shepard who I have borrowed for just a little bit. He's fine, I promise. Connor Shepard can be found in her vast collection of one-shots, drabbles and multi-chaptered collections. Jane Shepard belongs to the **Through the Kaleidoscope** universe. _

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Dating wasn't something easy to do in her situation. It came with popularity, reputation and killing people for a living. It didn't mean that Jane was sad and sobbing over the whole thing but it did mean most of her friends despaired over the amount of guys trying to get the Commander as interesting notch to their belts and how many of those ended up discarded and far more bruised at the end of the day. Robert had postulated she was something of a complete goddamned boogieman if she couldn't keep herself from scaring all male specimens before she got laid.

Jane postulated if she punched hard enough, she'd crack his jaw.

Still, she went with it. Robert did these things because he loved her and wished to see her happy. It didn't matter that she clearly wished to be anywhere else but in that club, that she'd rather jump into a battleground covered in her undies and armed with a knife rather than meeting the next in a long series of blind dates.

The man in front of her was as sturdy as any man she had ever seen, all rough edges and features. Dark eyes stared at her evenly; so much like her older brother's that the woman found herself smiling before she noticed the action. A little like hers, even. Everything else in him spoke of a soldier she'd rather not face in chess, never mind in opposite sides of a conflict.

Her smile twisted a little more, grew into a full blown grin which usually preceded a serious asskicking.

"Robert, baby. Are you an idiot?"

Her friend had grown ever since she had first met him. He was an adult, a grown man and an especially smart one. Still, in that moment, the confused look in his expression could be compared to someone far _far_ younger.

"Eh? Why?" The monosyllabic replies didn't help.

"Did you even ask his name?"

"Connor?" The Engineer ventured, turning to the other man. "It was Connor, right?"

Robert's gaze was so empty, so very akin to an Elcor explaining the intricacies of subliminal pheromone communication, that Jane had to bite down on her tongue to stop herself from laughing out loud. Funnily, so was the woman accompanying her so-called date. It was good to know that she wasn't the only to suffer the humiliation of online dating provided by friends.

"His name is Connor _Shepard_." More silence, accompanied by the smallest flash of insight. "Shepard as in how I am Shepard. As in, my cousin."

Jane could see the exact moment the implications began crashing in.

"But you're an orphan!" Robert bellowed to the club at large.

She didn't laugh but it was a close call.

"I can still have cousins, Robert."

"But you were in the orphanage!"

"Not sure a cousin with the same age would be able to take care of me."

"But uncles! Aunts!"

"My parents were stationed mainly in ships," the black-haired man who interrupted; a soothing tone which spoke of a control Robert clearly wasn't feeling. "Before we knew what happened, we had already lost her trail. Mom took years to find her."

The discussion met its end abruptly, its conclusions very obvious. While living in a rather democratic state, incest was still frowned upon and wasn't it a good thing that instead of a blind date Robert had managed to prompt a family reunion? The second he reached that conclusion was heralded by the awkward smile that Jane knew well – the _yep-screwed-up-again-Shepard-sorry_ – and a vague stuttering of his hands which might have been a wave at some point.

"So I guess you want to catch up, right? Nothing wrong about it. You go. On not-a-date. Go."

Her oldest friend was an idiot, Jane thought absently as she watched him walk away, hastily followed by whomever had brought Connor along. How in the world had he bought that?

"Thanks for playing along, Shepard," she said simply.

Connor's features were softer when lightened by a smile, a relaxed type of smile which spoke of a complete ease in his own shoes. Hell, she could swear he was amused about the whole thing.

"Easy enough," he retorted mildly. "Your face is plastered everywhere, poster girl."

"So's yours, man. How long until they figure out we're not actual cousins?"

"I'm hoping a month, two?"

It was Robert. It'd take him half a year.

"Hey, no more blind dates for a while," Jane continued. "I'm so down with that."

"Until they discover they can do background checks before introducing us anyone, yes." They shook hands, hidden nicely from their friends by distance and the club's lack of light. "It was a pleasure to scheme with you, Commander. If you need help with your mission, let me know?"

A man after her own heart.

"It's a date, Commander."


End file.
